Grammy Ronni patiently waited for Jonathon to pack up his
bag so that they could leave for her house. Jonathon, Grammy Ronni’s grandson,
was staying the night.
 |
| Mr. Piddles |
“Don’t forget Mr. Piddles, dear!” Grammy Ronni knew that
Jonathon would never forget his favorite stuffed polar bear.
“Okay, Grammy, I’m all ready to go!” Jonathon had a small
backpack in tow and a large polar bear in his arms. They got into Grammy Ronni’s
car and made the short drive over to her house.
Once at her house, Grammy Ronni made hot chocolate with
marshmallows. It was Jonathon’s favorite treat. The boy was excited to enjoy
the drink and began to tell Mr. Piddles why it was his favorite drink as Grammy
Ronni went to work sewing on new curtains for her house.
“Mr. Piddles, you just don’t know what you’re missing here,
buddy. This stuff is liquid gold. I mean you just can’t beat the taste!”
Jonathon took a satisfying sip and smiled with a hot chocolate mustache on his
face.
“Jonathon, I’m a bear. We don’t drink hot chocolate. Plus we
have more important plans to work on right now! Did you bring the stuff?” Mr.
Piddles was always up to something, and this time it was serious.
“Of course, Mr. Piddles, why else do you think I begged Dad to
let us stay the weekend with Grammy? Here are our plans right here.” Jonathon
pulled out a large piece of paper with sketches and notes strewn across it.
There were the occasional small hearts and frantic arrows drawn around one girl’s
name, Sarah.
“Good, so how do we plan on winning Sarah back? We’ve tried
almost every trick in the book… pulling her hair, tripping her, making fun of
her… Oh! We haven’t tried gluing anything to her yet!” Mr. Piddles had a very
poor sense of what love was supposed to look like.
“No, I have to show her that I’m better than stupid smelly Steve.
He’s been talking to her all week because they were reading partners and that’s
not fair! So I’ve found a way that we can totally win her back!” Jonathon had a
big smile all over his face.
“How?!” Mr. Piddles was very excited to hear Jonathon’s
brilliant plan.
“We will both make pencil and rubber band crossbows and
whichever bow shoots further wins! That ought to prove to Sarah how cool I am.”
Jonathon nodded and crossed his arms, satisfied that he had devised the best
scheme ever.
“Oh my gosh! That has to work! I don’t think anyone else in
fourth grade has done that yet… We could make a new world record!” Mr. Piddles
was already thinking ahead to the next day’s adventures.
Jonathon and Mr. Piddles started working on the crossbow designs
and slowly, through testing and testing, came up with the best design possible.
“This has to work, Mr. Piddles! We have it all planned out
and Steve won’t even know what hit him!” Mr. Piddles and Jonathon high fived
and carefully packed the bow into their backpack, awaiting its use Monday
morning.
Grammy Ronni shook her head at her grandson, knowing very well that his large imagination would get him into trouble someday.
Grammy Ronni shook her head at her grandson, knowing very well that his large imagination would get him into trouble someday.
Author's Note:
This story was based on part of the Ramayana,
the public domain version that is an anthology, that discusses Rama's fighting
for Sita's heart with a bow and arrow! I really enjoyed that story because it
showed some fairy tale characteristics in an Indian tale. It also allowed me to
have a little freedom and bring back life to my characters from last semester.
I realized that I wrote this story early on in the semester and missed adding
it to the Portfolio, so I am adding it now to give more background to my
characters and to add Grammy Ronni! I am sure she will have lots to say when it
comes to meeting Sugriva or Hanuman so I will have to tie them all together in
the next few weeks' stories. I have enjoyed using these characters again and
being able to create more stories with them with new myths! Particularly it
reminds me of the Magic Tree House stories written by Mary Osborne, which I loved growing up. Perhaps
I will add a time traveling element to my next story with Jonathon and Mr. Piddles;
that could be a lot of fun! I am also interested in the upcoming readings for
the semester and where they will lead.
Oh my goodness, I love this story! It is so adorable! I can easily picture this little kid just having all of these adventures with his stuffed polar bear. Please do continue to use these characters; they're so precious! I also really love the way you incorporated the myth without copying it word for word. I almost didn't even recognize the story until the end, but after reading the author's note I could really see all of the references.
ReplyDeleteThis story is super cute! I like how the idea of the bow and arrow was incorporated into the story, even though it is out of its time now. The teasing of the girl to get her to like Johnathon, was super cute. It totally fits in with how kids act in elementary school. I didn't pick up the story reference right away, but when the boys were planning out ways to win ones heart I kind of had a clue, that it was about Rama seeking for Sita's love. The authors note perfectly showed the relativity in the story, and pieced this story to the reference story well.
ReplyDeleteI really love the ideas Jonathon has to get Sarah back. It's really an excellent emulation of that young childhood behavior we all remember from when we were that age. That's really the hook of this story I feel. It really pulls the reader in and sets the tone so perfectly even if it's not until the middle of the piece. I really think you should keep using Jonathon and Mr. Piddles. You could probably do a really fun storybook with them. The only thing I would consider changing is maybe setting the tone just a little earlier. That light, bouncy tone hits really well in the middle but you could flesh it out earlier and it'd probably hold the tone better throughout. I really wonder more about the backstory of Jonathon and Mr. Piddles. Though that's probably not something you can really give just in this piece, it'd still be fun to see more of their adventures. Either way, good job with this one!
ReplyDeleteMr. Piddles is a really funny character. Both he and Jonathon have really distinct personalities. Most of the adaptations that people write transport the characters into a modern setting, but it's interesting to read about a Rama-like character who's a child in a more modern setting. It makes me want to read about what Rama was like as a child. I like that you're progressing this story over several weeks. It really lets the reader get a more detailed picture of the characters. It's a lot like the structure of the Indian epics themselves.
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! It was such a unique adaptation to the original situation in the epic and I was very impressed. I think it is interesting completely because this story works well as it stands alone and it doesn't need the context of the epic to add an explanation. I am going to make some hot chocolate right now as this story as started a craving! Great work!
ReplyDeleteAwesome Story.......
ReplyDeleteWords Doctorate
This is such a cute story. It shows how he tried to win her heart just like rama did for sita. He won her through the challenge and that is exactly what Jonathon is trying to do with Sara. You have a nice correlation going on and Mr. Piddles just adds onto the fun. They are doing what any child would do to win someone over without realizing that it would not work.
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! Personally, I loved the character Mr. Piddles. I liked the distinct personalities that the characters and the details that you gave to help provide them. I loved reading stories that feature dialogue in the story. I feel that you did a great job with the dialogue and from writing stories, dialogue is not always easy to do. I could follow along very well with this story and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an adorable adaptation to the Ramayana! I love the childhood feel to this story, and the other stories in your portfolio! It makes them very fun to read, and easy to understand! Plus, it's nostalgic because I'm sure all of us had some great stuffed animal friends and a very big imagination when we were younger...I know I did! Since some people who read your story may not have read the original story it was based off of, you may want to consider changing your author's note to more of a summary of the original story.
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